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Tuesday, November 24, 2015

BLOGGING GAL ;)

Heeeeeeeeeeeeey my hunbuuuuns <3
I hope you all are fine and maybe alsooooo enjoying the first snowflakes in your country? ;) Here yesterday the first white layer fell down on the grooooound ;) I LOVE IT
Even though it now is getting colder day by day, I wanna keep the beautiful landscape in the white waaaaay *_* 
So now I decided to take part in Izzy´s great idea of writing down some likes, dislikes and goals!!!! ;) So what do you think of mine? Any ideas for improvement? =) I would be so glad to hear from yooooou ;) 

7 things I like:
Warm hugs of family and friends
Hot drinks on a snowy winter day
Going on holidays and trips
Christmas and Summer time
Making someone happy 
Being free and myself
Spending my time with people I love


6 things I don´t like:
Miss Mager
People who aren´t honest/ Liars
Coldness and rainy dusty days
Insecurity
Decisions
Perfectionism

5 things that make me happy:
Seeing my family and friends
Receiving a present/ gift from someone special
Getting a compliment/ nice words
Reading motivational quotes
Feeling good in my body and smiling

4 things I want to do: 
Traveling the world as precisely as possible
Making someone happy
Getting out of hospital
Finding my way in life

3 goals: 
Planning my future in a realistic way
Realizing some plans I already have
GETTING RID OF MISS MAGER

2 things I want to achieve: 
Being independent 
Being strong enough to live my life

1 favorite quote:
Wednesday, November 18, 2015

NUTELLA FOR THE NUTELLA GIRLIIIIIE ;)

Hey my Sweeeeties *_*

For me hitting my personal rock bottom here made me change (maybe some things also unconsciously) in so many ways, I never think I would be forced to.....
For me all of this is soooooo confusing I can tell you :) I hardly can anyway express it properly in any way :( 

I definitively needed that kick in my ass!!! This is something I know for sure now ;) And also now the situation also changed a bit in another way: a new girl arrived, which is so scaringly thin, that she had to be tube feeded and sits in a wheelchair :S She truly got all my compassion and neeeeeever ever want to be like her :( this shocked me so much seeing her and getting to see how harmful this illness really can be :( my only problem now is, she wants to talk to me all the time about food and such stuff and wants to spend time with me :( of course this is lovely of her, but her behaviors really scare me :( Like she stares at me all the time while eating or asking me for things like Green Tea or wanting to know bad things about the other girls :( but I do not fall back, this motivates me so much to move out of this ill stuff, because I never wanna be like this :( 
so keeping on to the full speed button to NOT stop at the middle of the hill!!! 
I now had to increase my lunch already, which means I now have to eat 150% of each served meal, which sometimes really can be so challenging :) but I always have to remind myself, that absolutely will be worth it :) all for becoming myself again ;) 

So my hunnybunnies ;) I wish you a nice day and make the most out of it!!!!^^


AAAAH and back to my headline!! I now have the set goal here to eat NUTELLA daily as a challenge for me ;) Oh of course I still am such a lover of Nutella, but I was so afraid of trying it in here for breakfast, because it is the obligation to put butter under each topic and I could never imagine Nutella in combination with butter :S but now I tried it and I absolutely must say that I am so happy I tried it, because I now have my Nutella back in here !!! 
AND WHAT WOULD NUTELLARELLA BE WITHOUT NUTELLA? :) 

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Huhuuuuuu :)

Hoooooneys ;)
Strange strange world all in all together.......
Don´t really know what to think about it at the moment.....
Sometimes I feel so lonely with myself and don´t even know why this is the case....

Being here in the clinic show me so many many important things in life, which I didn´t really appreciate in the past and took for normal....
Just such simple things like going into a supermarket with my Mama or driving a bit around and just enjoying the surrounding :S Now it feels like they took all of this away from me, without even asking for permission.... So many new rules, which they force me to live after, but taking away my preferences..... 
I know complaining about it, does not change anything about it and I am the only person who can make myself get out of these rules and boundings!!!! I have to give full speed to gain back my whole life again and not remain where I am now :) 

Hahaa this actually should be a motivational post, but again I digress from the topic :) UUUUUPS :) 
So to keep you updated: I slowly settled in here now and I truly met some so lovely and nice people, who support and motivate me again and again ;) so thanks for those :) 
But I definitively have to admit (to myself and also all of you:)) this is the hardest and most emotional time of my whole life so far!!! I don´t know how to express it in another way, but all the confrontations with the complexity of my eating disorder and Miss Mager in general, needs all my power and energy :) I never experienced so many crashing emotions every day again and again and I truly can tell you, if I know still would not want to get healthy and rid of this beast, I already would have broke up my stay :S but I feel I can let changes in and this is what I want now!!!!!!!! 


So you may all wander what my days here in the clinic look like? 
Oh yes I have many many free and boring time :S but this is typical :( So every morning I get weighted here, then there is breakfast and on the mornings sometimes group or individual therapy :) also there are so many medical checks each day, like ecg or blood checks :) I also got such a cold the whole last week :( this felt so bad, like coughing all the time and having such a headache :S I haven´t got something like this since about the last 2 years! But the doctors told me it is a good sign, that my body reacts to its surroundings :S 
Afterwards at noon, we have lunch, for which I already now have to eat 150% of the normal portion to gain :S this is something which truly confuses me each day again, but I now see it really is necessary :) At the afternoon I also have a lot of free time, sometimes a few little matches, but nothing truly special :) sooooo boring sometimes :S at 6pm we have dinner and afterwards I often spend some more time with other girls here, like playing cards or watching a movie :) to distract ourselves a little bit..... :) I also often call with my family, which supports and helps me so so unbelievably much!!!!!! They truly are my biggest and most motivating backing!!! :) they absolutely mean the world to me :) 
Today the weather is so so lovely and autumnly here, so I and another girl took a few steps to walk down to the lake, which just is a few meters away from the clinic :) and I absolutely enjoyed the great weather, the sun, the fresh air and the surroundings :) this truly distracts myself as well :) 

And today I now get some visiiiiitors :) two girls who I know from college, visit meeee :) Oh I am so excited, but happy :)and tomooooorrow finally my Papa also comes to spend some niiiiiiiice time with me :) *_* I am always looking so much forward to this 
So my hunnybeeeeeeeees ;) I love u all so much and I hope I do not bore you with my posts here from the clinic :) are there any topics you wanna get to know more about? ;) I would love to hear from yooooooooou :-* 
xxxx <3 Have a great day