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Monday, September 28, 2015

Nuuuuuuts all over.... :) Tips and Tricks? :)

Hellooooooou my little peaaaaanuts ;)
Haha yes you are right? She maybe got crazy, but nooo for sure not ;) But I am so happy my Sweeties, that I regained something in my recovery which I for now maybe the last two years wasn't able any more, because I totally refused it to myself :( 
In concret I am talking about nibbling, munching and snacking on little thingies all throughout the whole day :) 
I really honestly wasn´t able to do this anymore, even in all the time of my recovery :) I was refusing every little bit, because it felt so wrong for me and I was so afraid of gaining weight by eating it :(
BUT NOW something which I never would have believed would happen: I started to snack nuts!!!!!! ME? Yes, even though I (the old Ange) really hated the taste of nuts, peanuts and cashews, I started eating it and became so fascinated of those salted little things :) Or also I used to HATE the taste of Peanut Butter and now, I sometimes have it on my toast ;) Can you imagine this? I learned to nibble again by the help of something which never would have been worth it for Miss Mager... :) this makes me so happy and it feels so much like fun, eating such a crispy nut, which crushes by biting on it ;) Oh and I think the special thing for me is also, that there are so many different flavors you can choose: salted, honey, sweet, spicy, ..... :) I really enjoy having such a variety ;)
OH so my little peanuts, what about you? Maybe this will help you also a little bit in your recovery: try food which you never really loved before you got ill (because in your mind you are tricking Miss Mager by doing this ;)) you are actually forcing yourself to eat something which according to your ED isn´t worth enough eating it ;) but you will discover so many new flavors and maaaaaybe (like it was at myself) you will love the taste ;) 
Really believe me, everybody who knows me, knew that I didn´t like nuts, but now, they helped me to claim another step in my recovery and I am very thankful for my Mammi making me trying them ;) It maybe took her a while, but I did it!! ^^
So maybe you also have some useful tricks for tricksing Miss Mager? ;) I would be so glad to get to know them ;) I could really use some new tricks ;) 
Love u all and sending you nutty huuuugs ;) 
Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Gueeeeeeeeeeeees who bought a new jar of Nutella today? :-*

Hey my Cuuuties :)
Hahaa I guess you are right: It is THIS girl over here in rainy dusty Germany :D (OMG by the way this jar looks so cute, because it is a special edition with the cuuuute little peanuts and Snoopy on it *_*)
I have the second one from the left with cuuuutie Snoopy and Woodstock

Sooo this is a kind of random post about how my life is going at the moment and how my plans for the future are :) Hopefully you don´t think this is boring, but I just feel like a little bit of babbling today ;) 


Yes it truly is and you can´t truly enjoy your life and be happy when you are underweight, with no power and a meal plan which you have to follow... This is something nobody ever will be able to convince me from :( not even myself... I think in fact in recovery YOU are your worst enemy and you have to make sure every day you are able to convince yourself that you are doing the wrong thing by staying this way!!!!!
And this is something I truly want: A life where nobody has to remind me of how much I have to eat and what is wrong and right for me :) So this at the moment is something I really have to get clear thoughts about, because yesterday I sent in one of my essays from my studies and became unsure again if I will be able to really work as a teacher in my future and if it is really the thing I wanna do in my life..... I don´t know my honeybees at the moment all I have to do is focussing on getting as fast as possible out of this underweight phase in my life and then I will be able to decide what will be right for me according to my profession... but this is all just so confusing to me--------- :( 

So guys it is time to live in the now and not in the maybe or the future, live right now and focus on what you have to do at the moment :) and in my case this is getting healthy!!!! For having and enjoying a real life withoout any more thoughts about stupid Miss Mager (she only is an imagination guys!!!) Restricting is no option, food is fuel: Every day again and again!!! 
So GOOD NIGHT MY HONEYBUNNIES *_* sending you some good night kisses and I hope you made today a good day and enjoyed your life ;) 
Saturday, September 19, 2015

Intention: NO more cheating :)

Hey cuuuuties and sweeties from everywhere you are :) 
Again and again you always keep telling yourself you will recover one day and not any more have any ill thoughts or constraints... But for this, I today noticed again that something has to change... You have to do something to make things change!!!

Because only wishing and not changing anything about the current situation will never get you anywhere near your goals .... :) SO according to this, I am starting with this as well (as I want to be a good role model for you hahaaa :D) I am definitively nobody to look up to :) I am fighting with you and we are all sitting in the same shit ;)
One important step in the right direction, which you always also have to choose for yourself is making different intentions, which you HAVE to try to fulfill :) 
So to make a good impression towards you and maybe also help you also making some new intentions, I am making one as well: No more cheating guys :) 

So what do I mean by saying this? Cheating on someone you love is probably one of the worst things you can do in life.. But I did/do this, because my ED makes me doing it.. :( I know for so many this may sound weird, but in some situations, maybe most likely if I get stressed out or something like this, I cheat!!! I do not mean things like kissing another guy or cheating in a game with cards or something like this... 

What I mean by giving this intention to myself: 
- No more hiding of ANY kind of food
- No more lying towards changing anything -> Changes have to be fulfilled and real
- No more secretly buying ED-related foods (if I need something I can admit that I bought it)
- Reducing those things which are bad for me: Sweetener and chewing gum
- No more cheating/cheating/cheatingandcheating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, September 14, 2015

Reminder: Who is ANGE?

Heeeey my cutieeeeeepies :)
It´s me agaaaaaaaaaain!!!!!!!!! But wait: is this really the Ange I wanna be? Or am I just wishing and pretending to be that gal? :( 
No, today I definitively thought of remembering and reminding myself of WHO so truly is me? The real ANGE=) Not a fake skinny, pale version of her!!! 

Beeeecause in reality and real life she is......
....a girl who loves to be happy and smiles about so many many things 
... someone who is thankful for having the life she lives at the moment: every day agaiiin
...a person who easily enjoys making jokes and conversations and hardly can shut up her 
   mouth from babbling and talking
...who would die for a holiday: no matter where
.... who just lives for beautiful beaches, sunrises and sunsets over the ocean and the sea, 
     shopping, chilling, eating, old castles, new routes, small cottages, huuuuge cliffs, strong    
     waves, breezer, short trousers, greeeeen fields, tiny roads, spooky houses, beautiful 
     flowers, colorful houses, friendly people, open arms, deep hugs, honest smiles and true
... a girl who gives a damn on what other people think of her!
....someone who never wanted to be part of anything super duper in community
...a person who enjoys eating sweet stuff 
...someone who never wanted/tried to be the best in anything or any competition
...a gal who is honest and has no reason to cheat

...who actually just wants to be herself!!!!!! That is what she always wanted and lost herself 
   on the way of getting there ;) Sadly but true........
But I promise you my readers, I will do everything that will be necessary for becoming this girl again ;) even though on some parts of my journey the way seems so dark and all goals seem unreachable, I never will allow myself to give up on becoming this strong girl again ;) Always remember your roots! 

Because always keep in mind: God gave the hardest battles to his strongest warriors ;) 
So let´s fight together my sweeties ;)
Love u all and wish you a nice evening ;) 
Saturday, September 5, 2015

How to stay motivated even through some very bad times .. =)

Hey cuuuties :)
So I don´t want this to be such a negative post, but I feel not so good at the moment to be honest.... :( 
in the night of the 3rd of September it all went on very fast and my granny passed away...
I maybe told you about her stroke about a month ago, but she actually was on the way of getting better again, but then something went wrong again and she got worse and worse...:( so I really miss her now and I think I did not realize it properly now that she actually is gone now... :( but I still have to keep my head up, for my whole family!!! 

Sooo how to stay motivated in such hard times? Puh such a tough question I think, but most important is to always tell yourself that everyone is worth living a beautiful live and after again now seeing my granny suffer so bad, it again became more clearly to me how important it is to take care for oneself :) so trying everything to stay as healthy as possible and not hurt myself by restricting food or banning myself into ED-related thoughts :) 
Seeing someone else being hurt, hurts so much, so I really have to imagine how it would be if I would be the one who suffers..... :( so no more restricting.... Want to be out of this underweight zone... but if this only would be as easily done...... I HATE IT SO MUCH :( 
Oh my lovelliiiiiies sorry for being so rude, but I honestly don´t understand this illness anymore, because I am so enerved of it and still am not able to as simple as it sounds bann it out of my life--> WHY? 

So this is my granny Sophie in the middle ;)
And on her left you can see my cousins from Portugal and on the right me and my sister
one year and a half ago at the time my grandpa died ;)
Oh and don´t be irritated by me and my sis wearing typical german dirndl, because afterwards we went to the Plärrer :)

So my huns, this post is dedicated to my grandma and all my family, as we now really have to stay strong and stand together ;) I love you all so much and I am so glad to have you, you really all mean the world to me :) See life as something beautiful, which definitively is worth living it to its fullest!!! 

And for still staying motivated during bad times, here are a few super motivational and inspiring quotes which always help me coping a lot ;) I hope they may also help you ;) :::::
Be soft. Don´t let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate.Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness!

You don´t know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have.

God gave the hardest battles to its strongest fighters!

You will never have this day again. So make it count!

Pain is real, but so is hope.

So work hard and dream big!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Liebster Award!!!! *_*

OMG ****__******
Hey my Cuties ;)
This feels so special for me, but lovely Annie from nominated me for the so called "Liebster Award" and I am so so happy about this :) THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH!!!!
So now my job is to answer the few questions Annie asked me to do and for sure I will give it a gooooo!
So let´s do this *_*:

What has inspired you to get into blogging?
Uh this is such a though one already, I mean I knew that I had to change something in my life, just as I newly was diagnosed with anorexia in May last year... So I needed some form of distraction, as I anyhow had to cope with the new food intake and the new snacks in between my meals... So I read a lot in the internet and found other recovery blogs and got inspired, just as I also noticed how much they helped meee coping with my feelings, I also wanted to help others by sharing my experiences and happenings throughout recovering :) So this basically was my intention ;) I wanted to help others and also helping me by writing my thoughts down, which helps so much and I only can recommend this to you my Sweeties ;) 

How did you come up with the title of your blog?
Hahaaaa I think you all know it, right? ;) heeehe but I love the fact, that this little cute tiny Nutella toast, which I ate with a fork and a spoon was the beginning of my own journey of getting out and rid off this terrible illness!!!;) I absolutely noticed, that just because of Nutella I am still alive, and I am so thankful for my parents of making me eating it ;) 

Do you have any pets? If so, what kinds and what are their names? 

Oh I love such cute questions;) I have two cats at the moment :) one male one, who is so cuddly and lovely and is called Bobbel :) and another cat lady who is called Nudley ;) (you better don´t ask yourself where those funny names come from, because this is a really long and funny story :D) 

What is your favorite quote today? 
"Reach as high as you can, and then reach a little higher. There you will find magic and possibility. And maybe even cookies." :D 

If you had a superpower what would it be? 
Oh okaaaay.... Hm I don't really know, but maybe that I have the ability to look in the future or turn back into the past to make things change or different ;) I think this would be very very helpful :D

Who is your favorite author/writer/journalist? 
Puuuuh I don´t actually have a favorite one, because I also don´t really have any kind of preferred genre in reading, like romantic stories or thrillers... I like reading both types of books most and there are so many good writers and authors... :) 

What is your favorite poem?
As I am not so known in literature and poems in general, I simply choose one, which I think sounds very beautiful and I think it is so nice to imagine it ;) it may be a german poem, but I also think it sounds inspiring in english as well: it is from Eichendorff and is called "Moonlit Night"

What is your favorite place that you have travelled to?
Ooooooh as you maybe know there are so many many for me!!!!!!!! I love traveling so much and I loooove being on the run ;) so I loved being in Ireland, Scotland, Wales, USA, Portugal, Italy, France, Croatia, Sardegna, England, Sweden, Norway,...... All I love!!

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you choose to live?
Puh this is a really really though one! I could´t ever decide I think, because on the one hand I would love to live in a mediteranean country where the weather is warm, but on the other I would choose the stunning and beautiful charme and landscape of GB or Ireland ;) or maybe I also would love to live in the USA? OOOh, I don´t really know :D haha

Do you have a favorite art work or museum gallery? 
Hahaa no I don´t think so... :D

Favorite sport to watch on television?
Puh I don´t watch many sport shows on TV, so I probably would go for soccer :) 

Soooooo my honeybees, this was it about me and thanks again for such wonderful award, this really touched me:) !! *_* 
Hope you all have a wonderful week ;)