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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Haaaaaaappy New Year :-*

Hey my loooovelies :-*
I want to say sooo much thank you for all of your amazing and inspiring support in this battling year 2014!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) I love you so much and I am so glad you helped me through hard times and kept me motivated :D Honestly you all mean the world to me :-*

So I want to wish you all a great and wonderful NEW YEAR 2015 :)
I hope for all of those who as well as I am suffering from an ED, will be able to beat this stupid illness finally!!! Let´s get it an EDFREE YEAR!!!!! We can do it, recovery is possible, just have a look at all those people who made it! And how happy they are ;) So let´s do this too ;)
Soooo sending you all hugs and kisses xxx
I am going to have a drink on us at midnight =) Maybe you too? =)
Monday, December 29, 2014

No more EGO!!!!! ;)

Deeeeear Sweeeeties;) :-*
I am a little bit in a split with myself at the moment and could really use your advice in a few ways:) I mean christmas was superduper wonderful and nice (by the way haahaa I got a new iphone 6, can't believe i really got it, but my old one wasn't quite working anymore, but I was sooooo surprised and it was so lovely of my parents;)) Soooo what special things did you get from the Christkind or Santa or whoever? ;) I would be so cuuurious to get to know about it;)

soooo but back to the actual topic, my problem.... So I momentaneously can deal with eating food at all really quite good, which means I accept that I have to eat all of my meals and I know how they have to look like... And I also know that I have to increase and show mooore;) yes this is okay as I said, buuut know I notice time by time that my character has become soooo egoistic and especially while eating I am such an annoying person who you don't actually and honestly want to spend any time with:( I know this sounds a bit weird but I am not so used to this characteristic of me, which I think first appeared with this stupid Miss Mager:( and whereas I can cope honestly good with eating at the one side (about what I am soooo unbelievably happy to be) but on the other I dislike myself for being so unfriendly to my family while eating and also afterwards or before... even though I know they only want the best for me:( so i don't know, why do I get so unfriendly and egoistic if it is about food????:) This is so annoying for me, because the hate and guilt after eating are not appearing at the moment any time, I can cut them out very well at the moment, but why am I saying such egoistic things? I know I have always been a person who wanted everybody to be satisfied and happy, and so why can't I simply behave right and make my loving ones happy and eat without any discussions about little food breccies I want to put away from my plate?
Puuuuh such a hard thing to always behave right and next to this eat enough to gain!!!!! ;) But well my cuuuuuties, I will never give up because of such discussions, because I am able to eat everything and so I will alsoo be able to beat Miss Mager and soooooo will you hoooooneys;)

I wish you all the luck in the world
and omg nearly I forgot to ask, dooo you have any good intentions for what you want to achieve in 2015???;) because 2014 nearly is over, omgggggggggggg!!! Hard to believe right?=) 

ouuuuur cuuute christmas village decoration ;)
I simply enjoy the warming light of it =)
So no maaaatter what I hope you had wonderful christmas days and I wish you another lovely week ;) I am now going to relax a little bit talking and watching TV ;) xxx

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Fröhliche Weihnachten üüüüberall... :) Christmas Eve!!!

Hahaaa I really hope everyone knows his language :D









I am sending all of you Lovelies and Sweeties from all over the world some wonderful christmas wishes!!! :-*

I hope soooooooo endlessly much you can enjoy yourself in this special time of the year and celebrate this festivity with all your senses! :) I hope you all receeeeeive lots and lots of presents (hahaa :D) and spend time with your loved ones :)
I am now making myself ready for this special evening *lookingveryexcited* and I wish you all the best! 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *********
Sweeeeeties, it is only now one day to gooooooo till Christmas Eve OMG!!!!!!!!!*_* 
I am so excited, but anyway my christmas mood isn´t that strong as I expected it to be honestly ;) but now I listen to more and more christmassy songs and light up candles which smell like cookies, gingerbread and cinnamon of course :) 

So today I thought about writing a post about how my family celebrates christmas eve and the other festivities in the following days :) I don´t know if we do it in this typical german way, but it is simply the way I love it and it is so traditional for me :) 

In Germany the people in general believe in "das Christkind", which for most of people is imagined as a golden-haired angel I think :) So we don´t actually have a Santa Clause, but it gets more common these days, too to believe in the "Weihnachtsmann" ;) Buuuut our Christkind delivers the presents on Christmas Evening and we also open it then ;) so we don´t wait till the next morning, we oooooooooooopen it immediately!!!! :) Hahaaaaaa all the presents are placed under the christmas tree and it is such a beautiful atmosphere *_* I loooove this part so much ;) 

But let´s begin at the start of our family christmas celebrations:
Since I can remember we start our day quite normal and everyone is preparing and wrapping up the last presents for the eeeeeeevening :) then in the afternoon, when it gets more and more dusky we switch on some warm lights and have some Plätzla together ;) Okay last year I wash´t able to enjoy the cookies or any sweet treats, buuut this year will beeee different! I will fight for it, for my old life!!!!!! 
Aaaaaaaw and then afterwards in the last years we (all 4 together :-*) drove to "Oma and Opa" (granny and granddad) and unwrapped the presents and gifts we got from them there, while sitting in their comfy living room in a heart-warming <3 atmosphere all together ;) but this year this part will be different I fear, because in april my granddad died and so my granny will be at our house for celebrating christmas ;) 
Sooo afterwards we go home again and shaaaare dinner ;) Last year we had "raclette" (which was deliiiiicious *_*) and this year we will have "Wiener Schnitzel" with "Kartoffelsalat" (pork with potato salad) I am really looking forward to this, because it still is one of my feared foods, but on christmas eve I will aaaaabsolutely be able to eat it ;) I promise! JUST SHUT UP MISS MAGER! ;) 
I think this meal is also very common in general in Germany to be eaten for christmas dinner ;) Alsooooo I think many people in our region enjoy to have "Schweinsbratwürstel mit Sauerkraut" (pork sausages with pickled cabbage:-)) Omg, it is so hard to translaaaaate all those yummiiii things in English =) hopefully you understand it, I am doing my best ;) 
Also many Germans use to have duck or goose with red cabbage or dumplings :) 
Buuut back to Christmas Eve!!!

This is our tree ;) Me and my sis decorated it 2 days ago :)
It geeeeets time for the presents *-*this always has been such a special and unique moment for me and my sister ;) we waited in the kitchen with our eyes closed until our parents called us to come into the living room where our beautiful (fully decorated christmas tree :)) and the manger glance in an amaaaaazing light =) I absolutely love this atmosphere :D then it´s time to unwrap the presents and as me and my sis often have similar ones, we always open them together and enjoy each one ;) This is the best part of the evening for me :) 
Aaaafterwards, when all presents are given, we make our way to our grandma and my uncle and his family ;) where we again share presents with their kids ;) Sometimes also in the last years (but it got really rare) we went to the holy mass at night =) and so we do this year again too :) After arriving back home again, we use to listen to some traditional classic christmas songs and sit in the living room together ;)

On Christmas Morning on the 25th we use to have breakfast together which mostly is an egg with toast, butter and jam :) and for lunch we also share something tradition ;) let´s see what is there to cooome :)
Soooo hopefully my lovelies you already have wrapped in all of your presents and get ready for the best day of the ear (hopefully it will be :)) but be optimistic :) I am a bit late and stressed with my presents, buuuut I today will be able to organize some stuff, too :) So let´s get this day started :) (of course with toast and NUTELLA:)) 
Wish you all a wonderful 23th of december -> Enjoy your christmas time :) 
Thursday, December 18, 2014

Bringing myself in christmas mood ;) *_*





Yeeeeeeeeesterday (I actually wanted to post this one yesterday, but I didn´t managed to get it complete ;) I simply wanted to write a little bit and so I just start with twoooooo pics, I made the other day ;)  I haaaate the weather at the moment, it is always sort of foggy and cloudy, so I always feel like it is late again and this is annoying, right? :)
On the pics youu see my little advent calendar, which includes a new cuuute pic everyday :) hihiiii somewhere inside me I am still such a child ;) Aaand in the background you can see our "Adventskranz" (christmas wreath?=)) and my shopping bag haha =)
I think I haven´t opened all of the doors in the pic uuuuups :(

And here is another pic of an advent calendar :)It is sad to say, but it was mine last year and I have to admit, that I didn´t even ate one thing of all the sweets and goodies in it :( I really feel such a shame by thinking about it NOW.... Last year it appeared quite normal to me.. Awful isn´t it...

Soooo where on my trip around the
world should I stop by to visit you?*_*
Soooooo what did I do these days? First of all I was so happy about all the lovely comments of all of you, who left some on my blog *_* I would loooooove to visit all of you when I am doing my travel around the world ;) you simply would have to tell me where I have to make a stop by and then I will be able to plan my route ;) will be soooo much fun ;)

Then I was a little bit productive in doing some uni stuff and packing presents and writing some christmas cards ;)

According to my eating I have to tell you, that I am still doing hard :( in increasing my meal plan, but in some way, I am trying to give my best :) Sooo in the last days I tried out my first christmas cookies, we baked ourselves ;) Some "Vanillekipferl" and we also made some "Spitzbuaba" :) 
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut my Sweeties, never stop believing in yourself, because every day is a second chance! And there always is sooo much hope! Only thinking back of how different my thoughts were in the last few month and the way I am now having my meals and my snacks, I can feel so good and get strength from it ;) Because making mistakes is only human and your body may also not always work in it´s used and correct way each day, but afterwards you have to get back on the right track, believe me, you will be doing so much easier, when you learn how to cooperate with your new challenges! :) What I wanted to say with this is: I now notice in my head, that eating gets easier again and more normal, and by reflecting this, I achieve so much hope and have the will and the power again to let the changes in! :) 
Keep it up my lovelies, and always remember you are not alone in your battle, there always is someone who believes in you (this can be your family, friends, me,....)=) 

Puuuuh now I babbled so much again, but I hope it will help you just a little bit probably ;) 
Love u all so much, have a nice evening and a good start in the upcoming new week ;)
Sunday, December 14, 2014

Sundaaaays ;)

Helloooooo my Loveliiiies ;)
How are you doing? =) Hopefully you are all well and bravely (hahaaa:D) eat your daily glass of Nutella :) I honestly am doing it, because there really is no day without my Nutella:
So for example tooooday I ate some "Amerikaner" made by my granny for breakfast (normally I don´t change my breakfast, as you remember: 2 toasts with Nutella*_*)but in the last weeks, I also tried one with cheese or jam :) crazy, but it helps me dealing with the wrong thoughts! So I ate my Amerikaner (which absolutely tasted delicious) and so me and my mum spontaneously decided as a morning snack I could have some banana (which I haven´t got for aaaaaages now :() with Nutellaaaa :) Omg, at first I was very skeptical, because I think you could imagine the way it looked, like Banana Split :D buuuut I decided to stoop this stupid calorie counting, so why not try out different combinations like Banana and Nutella :) Wooooow
I also decided to take the Banana instead of something chocolatey, because I now also try to focus a little bit on healthy things as well ;) I mean I won´t change anything at eating choc and sweeeeeets as often as possible, but now and then something healthy is important ;) also for my health and getting stronger hair and nails, ..... again :) hopefully this works!!! :) 

Oh okay now I actually forgot about my actual intention: the weekly challenge and this fact, that I am so sad, that Izzy stops writing her blog for a while :( She really was such an amaaaaazing inspiration for me now in my worst episode, she really cheered me up every fucking day I wanted to give in! ;) So reading yesterday, that she will stop her blog for a while made me very sad and suddenly I realized how much I need you all ;) I at the very first moment felt alone in someway, because her blog really was something I read everyday and which cheered me up!
AAAAAAAAAAAH and now it is good news! I started writing my post here this morning and could´t finish it until now, and nooooow I am reading on Izzy´s blog that she still will keep her blog updated and bloggs on! ;) This really made my day! ;) So haaaappy guys! ;) 

Findus as the "Lichterbraut" singing St. Lucia on 13. December 
Omg :S now I already have such a long post abouuut actually a wide variety of random things :( soooo I keep this randomness up and tell yooou :D:
Yesterday I actually intended to write about the St. Lucia festivities, which are celebrated mostly in Sweden and I (don´t know why?) looove it ;) But to be honest, I think I nevertheless know why: When I was little, I looooooooooved playing and reading the stories of "Petersson and Findus" (especially in christmas time, because we had a advent calendar for our pc:)) I still think they are sooooo cute and every year at St. Lucia I remember the little cat Findus singing and dressing up as the light queen ;) This was I think the way I annually remember of this one ;) 
Do you guys know Petersson and Findus? ;) And what sort of advent calendars do you actually have? I have one with perfume and different beauty products :) looove it ;)

Soooo all in all I think this post is really a mixture of all the different thoughts I have at the moment and I hope it doesn´t bore you or something ;)
The weekly challenge I will as soon as possible catch up again!!!! I promise ;)
Wish you all a lovely evening ;) enjoy christmas time!!! xxx
Friday, December 12, 2014

Day 4: 5 things you like about yourself (appearance wise) :)

Hooope you all have a lovely evening my ED fighters ;)

(Hihiii why I am writing this I am getting myself a little bit in christmas mood by listening to christmas songs in the radio =)) Laaaaaaaaaaaast Christmas I gave you my heart, ... which is somehow correct relating to MM :( baaad thought, but somehow true, because I didn´t just eat one(!!!!!!!) "Plätzle" (cookie) in christmas time :( so it already started at this time....

But now let´s come to the weekly challenge and beeeecause I missed posting yesterday ( I am very sorry for that, but anyway I didn´t really find the time, todaaay there are two is truly tricky exercises to do:
5 things I like about myself :( I simply name them, because I actually don´t really know how to explain them in detail or why ;)
-Puuuuuh first of all I would start with the color of my eye ;) they are kind of green- brown and I have exactly the same one as my dad has and I like seeing it at him ;)
-Then I would say I looooooove my earrings and my piercing ;) hopefully that one counts :)
-In earlier days I didn´t like my fingers, but now I think I like them =) I also always wear two rings on them which keep me motivated in my recovery: HOPE and LOVE
-my hands
-aaaaand probably my lips ;)

5 of my goals
-get university and my degree to become a teacher in a primary school :) I don´t want to give them up relating to my ED :(
-do a trip around the world/ a term in another country/ or simply see as much of the world as possible (hopefully I will be able to gooo especially to the USA  *_*soon again, but I would also loooove to see so many different places, too ;))
-get very old ;) :D
-always having a loving and caring family/lovelies around myself :)

I wish you all suuuuch a nice evening ;) Hope you enjoy it and relax a little bit after an exhausting week ;) xxx

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Chaaaaallenge :)

Hellooohellooohellooooo ;)
Looovely morning honeeeeys *_* went to the hairdresser this morning and let myself be pampered a little bit :) I always love the atmosphere there ;) afterwards I went to the office of my mum to have my morning snack with her :) a kitkat and a mars :) two absoluuuutely delicious things =) 
Soo but what actually matters in this post is
Day 3 of the Weekly Challenge:) 5 things you want to get better at

I want it now soooo much that this dark episode of my life (I mean the episode of being so thin that everyone notices and feels sorry for me) ends as soon as possible. But I have to accept, that the progress only goes on slowly and I have to get more patience for it :) 

2. Decide faster and be more spontaneous
I am so baaaad at making any decisions :) reaaaally :( So I already have got problems to decide what I want to eat for example as a snack or which spread on my bread I want to take ;) So this is something I really want to change :)

3. Be on time
Hahaaa as in my latest post I wrote I am good at arriving late and not in time, I really have to take it more seriously to try to arrive at appointments or lessons in time :) otherwise I probably will have to take the negative consequences :)

4. Loving myself
I am such a bad person if it is about loving oneself ;) I am this kind of person who would do everything for somebody else, but often forgets about her personal opinion then...Because if I would have been able to respect myself more in the last year(s), I probably haven´t constructed this Miss Mager :(  I have to learn to value myself more I think.... Being a little bit more egoistic

5. Listening to my body and forgetting about Miss Mager
This thing is related to my ED! It is the most important thing I want to get better at, because it influences my whole life and my lifestyle... If I still would keep up to listening to this illness in the way I did it for example in June, July or August, I now wouldn´ t be where I am now! I probably would´t be alive anymore, sit in a clinic or could´t go to university..... So progress is possible and this is what I have to be better at still! I just never should give up =) 

Hope you all have a lovely day!!!! 
GOOOOOOOO NUTELLAAAAAAAAAA! xxx (hahaaa I am crazy :))

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

This weeks challenge :) I am a bit late but it is never to late to be positive :)

Guuuuten Morgen meine Süßen :) <3
Yesterday I was as usually just checking my mails, Facebook, a few pages, etc,....
And alsoooo as every morning I go on Izzy´s blog to see what she does and what advice she gives me for the day to keep me/all of us motivated :)
And I read about her week challenge and spontaneously decided to join in ;) love the idea of everybody thinking positive about him-/herself :)
Soooooo from today on the whole week I also try to fulfill her challenge :) maybe you also want to join in and simply share a comment according to your personal experience and your own positives!!! :) You are all worth so much *_* and so be able to find so many positive things about yourself and your future! Simply join in, I would be so happy ;) Like Izzy writes: "It´s going to be good thoughts and positivity all week!"

Here is the link for the challenge:

So because I missed yesterday I simply start with Day 2:

1. Helping others and listening to  :) I mean I would never say that I am the first person who jumps up if a situation is about helping, but if someone asks for it or I feel there is help or an open ear needed I absoluuuutely immediately am there for this person/friend/family/stranger

2. Starting a conversation or having smalltalk with others :) I simply looooove talking and so I want others too ;) It is so much fun and I hate these uncomfortable breaks in conversations =) so I am always sort of babbling and chattering :D

3. Cooking and baking :) I really enjoy doing both, it always helps me to calm down a little bit and it gets me in a good mood most of the time ;) (especially now, when I am allowed again to eat the goods afterwards :))

4. Driving my car =) Hihiiii, this is something I 100% got from my dad :D And I don´t actually know why, but I looooove it so much to just drive around;) no matter where (to uni, appointments, friends,...) I simply love to sit in my Mini (i have a beige one with red stripes on it :) it is my baby :)) and step on the gas :)

5. Hahaaa I know this doesn´t really fit in the positive things I am good at, but I am very very good at arriving too late and not in time =) I am always joking about myself if I again missed the train or get out of the house ;) But so I am also good at not taking things so seriously and also not take myself for too firmly :)

Soooo I think this is quiet enough for today ;) Oooooh and good news: weight in went well: I gaaaaained:) seeing my scale for such a long time not and not cheating on my parents and myself , made me feel so nervous about it, but now I am soooooo unbelievably happy (you can´t believe it)  :)
Thank you to all of you who read my blog, it always makes me smile ;) and keeps me holding on to my recovery :) because I know again see: Life is so much worth living, and I only can have it, if I am strong enough! And for getting strong again, I have to EAT! :) Soo let´s have Lunch now :) Today I am having I think Schupfnudeln mit Sauerkraut :) Guuuuuuten Appetit :D
PS: A special thank you to my Mum and my Dad, who daily show me that recovery is possible and help me so much (even if I slip :)) I  don´t know what I would do without you! :-*

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Uni Daaays ;)


Yeeeeeeeeey first day of actual snow... *_* The only sad thing about it is, that it did not stay... But let´s see what tomorrow brings! :)

Looooovely St. Nikolaus Day my Sweeties ;)

Puuuuuuh I am so sorry for my lack of posting the last days, but at the moment I am a bit busy at university... I mean I have got a WHOLE weekend of added courses.... So today I had a lesson called: "Philosophy with children" and if you are doing this the whole day you just feel tired in the evening... :( such a boring topic ;) (Who the hell is in university on weekend? NOBODY I noticed today-> but me hahaa :)) but I managed it and after getting home and having an original German "Wurstsalat" I am now watching TV with my mum ;)

Aaaand for me it is such a biiiiig recovery win, that I managed to eat my lunch (pasta made by Mama) in university with a friend ;) I felt like an absolutely kind of crazy freak (hahaa :D) because after having it I just felt something like proud coming up and I just sat there smiling :D this must have looked ridiculous, but I don´t care what others think of me, for me only counts at the moment that I gain weight and try out so many new scary things :)
If I only remember myself back in June or something I would never ever been able to eat something on my own and today I HONESTLY managed to do both snacks and lunch on my own without cheating or lying to myself... Because it absolutely was time again to realize that only I have to take the consequences if I do restrict! Awful thoughts, right? :( I can´t give up and days like this push me to keep moving forward and never stop again!!!! 
Thank you all so much for your amazing support my lovelies :-* you can´t believe how much everyone of YOU who reads and comments on my blog means to me!!!!!

So have a nice evening and sleeeeeep well <3

aaaaah and here just a pic of the Augsburger Christkindlesmarkt, I absolutely want to go there in the following days *_* looks so nice right? =)
maybe facing some fear food like "Schupfnudeln mit Kraut", "Bratwurst" or a "Germknödel maybe"? 

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Cooooooountdown for Christmas

Heiiii Sweeties :-*
Hope you all had a lovely 1st of December and enjoy a restful time until christmas 

I always was of this one and only opinion, but since last year I am not quite sure of what and how to feel about it...
I mean I love all of these cozy and comfortable pictures you see everywhere around and in the internet ;) I also enjoy it so much walking around on christmas markets, baking cookies, smell the fragrance of all the scented candles and take a look at the cutely decorated and lightened up villages in our neighborhood *_* always gives me a feeling of safety and warmth <3
But last year at that time I remember so well the beginning of counting calories and the restriction getting worse... :( I already had started to cut myself down in my eating habits and I unbelievably not even ate 1 (!!!!!!!!!!!) cookie, biscuit or ginger bread :( this is so sad I think..... 
And I always felt cold and couldn´t enjoy so many things anymore :( I don´t actually quiet know why I remember it as such a dark time, but in my opinion this restricting and creating of stupid eating rules was one of the most influential reasons of it... :( 
I absolutely hate what Miss Mager done to me in the last year ... 

But today I am trying not to be negative (it is the 1st december and the christmas countdown can begin!) Hahaaa and I can tell you I loooove my advent calendar, because it offered me such a nice perfume today ;) really sweeeeeeeet =)
Aaaaaaw and today after spending a not very stressing time at uni, I and my mummy baked "VANILLEKIPFERL" I am not sure, if you know them, but they are typical german cookies baked for christmas ;) soooooo yummy (one of my pre-ed favorites):-* 
And this winter I SWEAR I am going to try and eat them!!!! 

So now I am spending a relaxed evening with my family in front of the TV munching on Haribo Fruity Cocktail in our cozy christmassy decorated living room ;) 

Hope you have a lovely week and keep on beating your ED!!!! Recovery will be worth it =)

Aaaaaah nearly forgot: I´ve got an impoooooortant question to you:
Do you know any great recipes for christmas cookies with NUTELLA???????? :) I would be so cuuuurious about knowing some and trying them out immediately :D So pleeeease tell me if you know one, I would die for it !!!!!!!!! *_*